Murder of Innocence

Mr. Peters' second novel focuses on the tumultuous adolescence of Matthew Cameron. As Gore Vidal noted, the first third of this book lays out the many betrayals experienced by young Matthew. The middle third lays out the story of Matthew's relationship with Michel, and the final third follows the rapid disintegration of Matthew's world.

It is the summer of 1927 and we find Matthew and his mother, Catherine, setting sail from New York Harbor for Paris where his parents are to be divorced. Catherine will have full custody until Matthew turns 16; until then, Matthew may not see his father. After arriving in Paris, Matthew's mother decides that a boarding school would be best for him; he is already too attached to her and to Scott Fletcher, a friend of the family. Matthew looks up to Scott and wants to be like him. "Thirteen and responsible, it was up to him to go through with whatever place they had made for him, to be sure there were no tears, to behave like a man" (1986, p.16). At St. Croix École des Garçons, André, 14, befriends Matthew. He picks Matthew because he recognizes his weakness. After bonding over cigarettes and photos of naked men and women (much to Mathew's initial shock) Matthew begins sharing a room with André. The headmaster approves the move as both good for the introspective Matthew and the scholastic underachiever, André. About a week after Matthew moves in, André and Matthew begin a sexual relationship.

Matthew spends the Christmas holiday with his mother in Paris. Catherine has a good deal many more friends by now, including one friend who is around every day-Paul Dumesnil. Although, Paul makes an effort to include Matthew, Matthew senses that it is disingenuous and he feels like an intruder. He feels guilty about his relationship with André and wishes he could be more like Scott. He and Scott discuss marriage, divorce and commitment. How can you commit and know that you will be together forever? Or how does Scott know that he will still see Matthew when he gets married?

By the following September (1928), Scott has met and fallen in love with Françoise. She questions Scott about his relationship with Matthew. When Françoise asks why Scott likes Matthew so much, he replies that he feels sorry for him. "I owe a lot to John and I know he wants me to see Matthew as much as I can" (1986, p.56). Scott doesn't see Matthew this day because Catherine wants to tell him that her divorce is final and she will be marrying Paul Dumesnil. Scott doesn't really like Paul because he isn't sure Matthew does. Françoise believes Paul is marrying Catherine for her money. Meanwhile, Matthew, now 14 is in his room upset and crying because Scott, who had promised to call, hasn't. His mother suggests to Matthew that he should consider that Scott has his own life. Scott has already begun his betrayal.

In the bath the next day, Matthew notices the physical changes in his body and thinks about having sex with André. He has a compulsion that pushes him toward André, but always afterward "hating myself, making promises and vows for the future" (1986, p.70). Then the next time he found himself again unable to resist. When Matthew discovers from Catherine that Scott had called, he becomes very upset with his mother for keeping Scott from him and at Scott for not keeping his promise.

After Catherine and Paul's wedding in November, Matthew stayed at Scott's apartment overnight before returning to school. Scott knew that he must use this evening to bridge the gulf that had developed between he and Matthew. Matthew asks for a cigarette. "Mother thought it was charming for me to have a cigarette with her once in a while," he said. "Now I'm an addict. It makes me so grown up, you know" (1986, p.80). Scott finally determines that the tension is about his not calling in September and shares that Catherine had asked him not to talk to Matthew that day. Matthew now sees the extent of his mother's betrayal.

Catherine, Paul and Matthew plan to travel across France by car for the summer (1929). Paul and Matthew don't get along well, Paul thinking that Matthew is a spoiled brat. When Paul denies driving lessons for Matthew after promising them, the vacation ends early and they return to Paris. Matthew is upset because Catherine 'takes Paul's side', but glad to be returning to Paris because he can now see Scott again. While Matthew and Scott play tennis, Françoise speaks to Catherine and Paul about Matthew and why he doesn't get along with Paul. Françoise sees what the others don't: Matthew believes that Paul has taken his mother and Françoise is a threat to his relationship with Scott. Everyone has betrayed Matthew; he lost his father (whom he can't see until age 16), his mother and now Scott. As Paul drives Françoise to the Place de la Madeleine, he thinks about how difficult Matthew is and how he wishes he could spend time with his father, allowing Paul more time alone with Catherine. After tennis, Scott and Matthew return to Scott's apartment. Matthew thinks how wonderful it would be to live there with Scott-he could keep the place clean, sweep, etc. Matthew reacts sullenly to the news that Scott and Françoise are to be married but perks up when he discovers that Scott has told him first-Catherine and Paul don't know.

Finistère in Art Paul Cadmus American (1904-1999) Finisterre (1952) 165 x 120 cm Egg tempera on wood Whitney Museum of American Art

When Matthew returns to school that autumn, he discovers that André has gone on to some other school. Their two years together are over-another betrayal. The only other change is the new athletic coach, M. Garnier. Matthew remains sullen and contemplates all those who have betrayed him and feels as if there is not place for him in their lives. M. Garnier takes Matthew and some other boys to swim in the Seine. Michel Garnier interrupts his day dreaming and Matthew is unresponsive. When Matthew decides to go in the water and looks back, his eyes look into Michel's and a smile is exchanged. While swimming, Matthew goes beyond where is safe for someone of his skill and begins to go under. He knows he is drowning and doesn't really understand his ready acceptance of it. Michel jumps in and is troubled by how much what he has seen looks like suicide. Michel and the other boys get him back to his room and call for the doctor. He sleeps most of the afternoon with Michel watching over him. Upon waking, he declines food but asks Michel to stay, placing his hand on Michel's knee. Michel covers his hand with his own and recognizes his feelings of desire. He says he must go but is physically drawn to Matthew. Matthew draws his head to him and they kiss. "His [Michel] body overpowered him, working with the skill and competence which he had learned, not through love, but rather in the mercilessness of parks, alleys and darkened bedrooms-with strangers" (1986, p.121).

While on his final leave before his discharge in 1922, Michel is picked up by a man on the Metro and returns to the man's apartment. He is very unsure of what is really happening, but suspects that the man is 'queer'. After many drinks, they eventually have sex. A few days later, Michel returns to Paris and discovers the gay world of special cafes, restaurants and nightclubs. Everyone was hunting and hunted. The aim was continuous conquest. He then meets Tom Rogers, an Englishman with whom he has a four-year relationship. After the many affairs they had both been having become too difficult to conceal, they part. In the summer of 1929, Michel leaves Paris to take the position as athletic director at a school near Rouen. He sees this as an opportunity for a new start, vowing chastity and reform.

Matthew knows he loves Michel and this removes any doubts he had about the world and himself. Matthew's confidence has returned and all the guilt he felt about André disappeared. Michel is still full of self-doubt and fears being found out. While Matthew understands they must be discreet, he doesn't care that it is considered abnormal or that it could be labeled homosexual. "How can they take away something that belongs to us, not to them?" (1986, p.139). For him, the fact that he loves Michel is

all that matters. A week before Matthew was to leave for Christmas break, Michel realizes that he cannot be without Matthew and asks him not to go. Matthew suggests that they go to Paris together, but Michel doesn't feel comfortable with this. Michel snaps at Matthew about not understanding the risks. Afterwards, he apologizes for yelling and ends by saying, "I suppose there is no reason why you should be able to understand that your happiness is something the world would think of as ugly and horrible and unnatural. But they do and I guess you'll learn soon enough" (1986, p.144).

Michel's declaration of love changed things in ways neither of them yet understood. Michel doesn't believe these things last-he knows he will be the one who will hurt Matthew by ceasing to love him. After Matthew leaves for Christmas break, Michel visits his mother. His room is unchanged and he feels little connection to its contents (much like Matthew's last visit home). Michel wishes he were seven or eight and that he and Matthew were friends playing an innocent. Michel received love letters from Matthew asking him to come to Paris. He decided to go-even if he wouldn't see Matthew much. There were always 'others' and he remembered where to go to meet them.

Matthew and Michel take the train from Brest to Paris, where Matthew will see his father. They will stay together in Catherine's apartment. Catherine fears that Matthew may get on well with his father and want to return with him to America. In the train compartment, Matthew sleeps and Michel thinks about his fear of exposure with Matthew's father. Michel fears Matthew's meeting his father-the true fear-"How much of the suppressed and buried feeling for his father, how much of the love that Matthew should have given to his father during all these years away from him, had been turned into this relationship, like water forced into a wrong channel? And how much of it would be given back to his father-taken away from Michel" (1986, p.198)?

After breakfast with Michel, Matthew goes to the Majestic to meet his father. He is very nervous. They recognize each other at once and each realize silently that they look very much alike. They chat about their trips into Paris and school. Matthew mentions Michel and the near drowning; John seems surprised that one of Matthew's teachers was staying with him. Edith, John's wife, joins them in the hotel lobby. Edith suggests they get a drink (since children in France drink) before lunch. Edith helps John and Matthew communicate and lessens the awkwardness by her presence. After lunch they tour the city by taxi and return to the hotel. John and Edith have presents for Matthew, a gray flannel suit from his father and a new wallet with 5000 francs from Edith. Matthew says that he has a dinner appointment and must leave. John is disappointed but lets him go, having Matthew promise to bring Michel to lunch the next day.

Michel is short with Matthew when he arrives at the apartment 5 minutes late. They go out for dinner. Michel purposely directs their dining toward a cheap restaurant, knowing that Matthew has a large allowance and likes to spend money, wanting to show Matthew how others live. After dinner, in near silence, Michel suggests a drink at a café he used to frequent. He is going to show Matthew the seedy side of Paris and being gay, taking Matthew to a café that also has back rooms for sex. Matthew is confused and hurt that Michel would take him to a place like this. After returning to the apartment, Michel roughly pulls Matthew to him-Matthew says no and nastily asks if Michel used to live in that place or if he just worked there. Michel suggests that they and those people are not at all different. Matthew says that he is different and goes to bed alone. Michel's 'I'm sorry' isn't enough this time.

The next morning, Michel apologizes again and explains that he had been scared that Matthew's father would take him away and that he had only been a temporary fill-in. "You have to forgive me, Matthew, I couldn't stand it if you didn't, but I think all of this is because I'm not used to love, I don't believe in it the way you do. Before I met you, I thought it really didn't exist, or that…well, that I had no right to it" (1986, p.222). Matthew says that if he really feels that way, it will destroy them.

Matthew and Paul remain on the beach and talk about Matthew's time in Paris with his father. Paul thinks to himself how powerful he feels when he knows something about someone and slyly lets him or her know that he knows. Paul moves on to the topic of girls, which Matthew doesn't want to talk about. In French, Paul asks if he has been masturbating. Paul is feeling very powerful and suggests that maybe Matthew doesn't like girls. He asks why he likes Michel so well, all the while caressing Matthew's back, butt and legs. Matthew tells him to get his hands off of him. Then he places his hand between Matthew's stomach and the sand and tells him that he can fool his mother but he isn't fooling him. Matthew recognizes the particular smell that Paul exuded and it matches "the alley, the soldier…the room above the café" (1986, p.283). Paul pins him on the sand and says he didn't blame Michel; he knew how it was. "I like a little fun myself once in a while" (1986, p.284). Matthew pushes him off with rage and runs away while Paul laughs.

Matthew needs to be alone and runs to Point St. Mathieu. He thinks of Finistère or finis terre. Land's end. He feels more alone than ever now. There is no on that he can talk to. He blames himself and his relationship with Michel for creating the situation that just occurred with Paul. He believes that he is "as bad, as miserable a creature as Paul" (1986, p.286). On his way back to the inn he sees a couple looking off the point. He is reminded that he is different and cannot openly bring Michel down to look at the point. Matthew knows he must go back and that Paul would say nothing-he enjoyed too much toying with him.

That evening Matthew can hardly eat anything at dinner and excuses himself to his room, wanting to be alone. Catherine and Michel look in on him. Michel lets him know that he is available if he wants to talk and leaves. Catherine asks him what is wrong. He says he can't talk about it now. She says, "whatever it is, it's all right. I love you darling, and can't bear to have you suffer…I…" (1986, p.290). She finally leaves him alone. Michel returns and holds him when he lets go with tears. He then stays the night with him. Michel's hand grazes down Matthew's back and he jumps. Then Michel tries to kiss him-Matthew backs away and tells him to go away and leave him alone. Michel insists on knowing why, even if it ends their relationship. Matthew says, "It's because of what you've done to me; you've destroyed me, you've helped me to destroy myself" (1986, p.293). Michel yells back that he isn't as innocent as he likes to believe. "When you spit on me, Matthew, you spit on yourself" (1986, p.294). Matthew slowly tells him what happened with Paul. Michel isn't consoled. "Oh, Matthew! The world is full of people like Paul. What did you expect? It had to happen someday, it was just as well that it was Paul. What is all the fuss about? When are you going to start growing up? When are you going to get over the idea that the world is doing something awful to you? You asked for it or Paul never would have done it. You expose what you are and you ask for that kind of thing and then you begin to cry when anything happens" (1986, p.295). He tells Matthew to stop whining and if he is so upset, maybe he should go see his maman. Then he storms into his own room and locks the adjoining door.

Catherine is sure she hears Matthew shouting and goes down to check on him. She doesn't knock, but goes straight to his bed. She then suddenly realizes that he and Michel had been quarreling-how could she have been so stupid? She knew he was 'in love' with Michel like all boys are in love with some teacher or older friend. She tells him that if it is something between he and Michel, it was OK. There was nothing to be ashamed of. He slowly tells her that he loves Michel. She acknowledges this and confides that she worshipped one of her teachers when she was in school too. Thinking that she understands and he tells her the story from the beginning. He shares for the first time the story of his near drowning and then tells her about the kiss. "'He didn't go,' he repeated. 'After he kissed me, I…kissed him back. He…got into bed with me. That's how it started'" (1986, p.302). Her arm stiffens and she finally gets out her question that clarifies what Matthew has been saying. She says she or Paul would have known…it couldn't be true. Matthew tells her that Paul does know and that he made advances at the beach. She ignores the comment about Paul and tells him, "I'd rather you were dead" (1986, p.303)! Catherine then returns to her own room.

Michel hears Catherine in Matthew's room and fears 'the idiot' will tell her everything. He knows he will be ruined if that happens. He waits until he thinks Catherine has left and enters through the adjoining door. Catherine is gone and so is Matthew. He doesn't know exactly what has happened but he can only go to his room and wait. As soon as he sees the sun, he goes for a walk toward the beach and breaks into a run when he realizes where Matthew is. He runs to the point and looks down "…down to the strip of sand, the distinct footprints leading in one single trail into the black water" (1986, p.306).

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